Pushy step-grandma insists that 14-year-old call her “grandma," despite teen not wanting to do so: 'I don't want to call her grandma'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jan 14, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Navigating the treacherous waters of family dynamics is difficult in the best of circumstances, let alone when they enter into the uncharted territory of blended families with fresh relationships and expectations laden with the baggage of past relationships and loss. These conditions are unforgiving, and waves of emotion make things all the more difficult.

Without a doubt, putting more pressure on a teen who is already having a tough time is never going to have the desired result. Pressure might make diamonds, but it sure as heck has never made anyone feel better about themselves or about the thing they're being pressured into… 

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  • Plus, respecting people's boundaries is important, especially when dealing with teens who are seeking to carve out their own path of individuality. When your actual relationship with that teen is tenuous at best and newly forged from a fresh marriage, establishing a relationship organically before demanding things is always the best course. You can't command something be a certain way and have it be so unless you're royalty or a billionaire or something.

     

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10454921472
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is all pertinent in the context of this story that was shared by a 14-year-old girl in this online community. The teen shared her story in a post seeking advice and answers as to whether or not she was wrong for telling her stepfather's mother (her "step-grandmother") that she would prefer to call her by her name rather than referring to her as "grandma" as she was insisting. 

     

  • 02

    "AITA for refusing to be around my step-grandma after telling her to 'shove it' when she insisted on me calling her grandma?"

    I am 14F. My dad di d suddenly when I was 7. He was only 32. I have very fond memories of him and how much he loved me and how much I loved him.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 03
    When he did, I was devastated. I remember screaming in the night, having to sleep in my mom's bed and reverting back to calling her mommy. It didn't help that my mom (36F) was pregnant with my little sister Holly (6) so it was a really rough time.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 04
    My mom started dating Andy (40) 4 years ago. We didn't meet him until a year later and I really liked him and now, I love him. He knows my dad is still my dad and has never once in the past 4 years tried to replace him, he has always said he is there if I want him. It is different for Holly as she never met our dad so Holly now calls Andy daddy. I say to people Andy is my dad but I call him by name, nobody ever has had an issue with this. Even Andy's family have been very welcoming.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 05
    The problem lies with Andy's mom, Candy. My mom and Andy got married at the beginning of this year and we are starting the process of Andy officially adopting me and Holly. We were both asked if we wanted and both said yes. I have my bio dad's name so I agreed to keep the name but hyphenate it to add on Andy's name. The same will be done for Holly. My mom is also pregnant again so with all that in mind, Candy has been badgering me to call her grandma since Holly and I will soon have her family n
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 06
    I don't want to call her grandma. I call her Candy. My mom and bio dad's parents are all still alive and are involved in our lives, especially my bio dad's parents. I call them grandma and grandpa. Candy keeps pushing thy I can call her grandma too instead of Candy but I keep telling her I don't want to. She kept annoying me so one day when we were round for dinner I told her to shove it and I stormed out. Andy came out after me and he took us home but since then I have refused to be around her
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 07
    Mom and Andy are on my side and both have sternly told Candy that she needs to stop and that if she doesn't we will no longer be going round to see her as a whole family, just them and Holly or even just them.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 08
    My step-aunt (Andy's sister) is sympathetic to me but has stuck up for her mom by saying she's 70+ and it's confusing cos Holly calls her grandma and she just wants to feel as part of my life as my other grandparents are especially since we are the only grandkids as my step- aunt doesn't have kids. She has said Candy probably is lonely and doesn't feel included and might be pushy but is probably doing it out of love. She does not understand that she is a part of my life like they are and that ca
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
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    ETA: I have known all 4 of my grandparents my whole life and Candy for 2 nd a half years. My step aunt also is trying to see 2 sides which I get but it's frustrating
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 10
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I may be an AH as my step grandma wants me to call her grandma but she keeps pushing it and I told her ti shove it but my step aunt says she's old and lonely
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
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    Cheezburger Image 10454921728
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In the ensuing discussion that emerged, readers largely seemed to feel that the teen wasn't wrong for standing her ground despite her step-grandmother's insistence. See some of the key responses below from the original thread.

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    • bigpussystance 3 hr. ago NTA. It's always difficult blending families but it seems like it's been done well for you except for Candy. Being old and maybe lonely doesn't excuse her trying to force you to call her grandma when she's only realistically been in your life. a few years compared to your grandparents who have known you your whole life.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 13
    It's so heartwarming your parents have your back and I think Candy needs to realise you cannot force a family connection no matter how much she clearly wants it.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 14
    Few_Knowledge_6229 OP. 3 hr. ago My mom and Andy are amazing! He's more than happy to stand up to his mom and I'm truly blessed to have him as my dad!
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 15
    bigpussystance 3 hr. ago I'm glad you have that parental support. Stick to your boundaries. If Candy cannot respect them that's her loss.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 16
    madydyda 3 hr. ago NTA - It's completely understandable that you want to keep your relationships with your biological grandparents separate from those with your step-grandma. Your dad's passing is a deeply emotional experience, and your memories and connections to your biological family are significant. You're not obligated to call Andy's mom "grandma" just because of a name change, especially when you already have loving grandparents you call by that title.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 17
    ashkebane 3 hr. ago NTA. while a part of me gets where Candy is coming from, her pushing you to do it is not the way. If you decide to start calling her grandma or granny or whatever, it has to be your choice and her forcing the issue is making it less likely for it to ever happen.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 18
    • Tally0987654321 3 hr. ago NTA Step G-Ma is disrespectful. I can understand if she wants a special name to commemorate your relationship. A healthier way would have been to ask you what you wanted to call her and you could have come up with a nickname that wasn't Grandma, but also not her first name. But it should be your idea and your choice of what you're comfortable with.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 19
    • Cute-funnyy 3 hr. ago NTA, if she's been pushing you to call her "grandma" despite your feelings, it's understandable that you'd reach a breaking point. But telling her to "shove it" probably didn't help the situation.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 20
    It's okay to not feel comfortable using a title that holds deep meaning for you, especially if you don't feel that kind of connection with her. Relationships like this take time and mutual understanding, and respect for boundaries is key. If she's been insisting or guilt-tripping you, that's on her for not respecting how you feel.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 21
    Scudss 3 hr. ago • NTA. My parents split when I was young (3, 4?)and my dad had custody. I did weekends. summers etc with my mom. My dad remarried when I was 23... I've since had children and they call my step-mom "Nana".
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 22
    But here I am, an adult who's got it all together, and the other day I looked at my step mom and legitimately asked "I never really asked.... what should I call you? You're more than 'Margaret' but y'know, not mom? But you're the kids grandmother 100%"... Basically, it's confusing for an adult, I can imagine the conflicts as a teenager.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 23
    Rievens1a 3 hr. ago You're not in the wrong. Respecting your boundaries is important, and you've made it clear how you feel. It's not about love but comfort, and Candy needs to understand that.
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 24
    snowpixiemn - 2 hr. ago NTA. Outside of Candy pushing you calling her grandma, has she been accepting and good to you? If the answer is yes, do you think there is a name or names outside of Candy that you'd be willing to use with her. Like NaNa or MeeMaw. It would make her feel like she has a point of importance with you but it would be distinct
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229
  • 25
    from your biological grandparents. If that is uncomfortable for you then I totally understand sticking to calling her Candy and limiting contact with her. Do realize that if you choose to limit contact that may change the dynamics between what you receive in comparison to what your siblings receive from her. But at the end of the day your boundaries matter and it sounds like your mom and stepdad respect that
    via u/Few_Knowledge_6229

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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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